As a child I struggled at math. I was great at a lot of other things – elocution, debates, choir, sport and pretty much most other subjects. I went through almost my entire academic life believing I was mathematically challenged. I convinced myself I was not normal and that I’d never amount to anything. I was sure that I would grow up to be mediocre if not a failure. Eventually, I stopped trying. I accepted my ‘fate’ and decided to make the most of the life I believed I’d have. My life today is not mediocre. It took one person to change all that.
I went through my schooling years going through the motions. Somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew I could be better, but instead, I allowed laziness, mediocrity and procrastination to rule my life. About 3 months before my board exams, after having failed or marginally passing math for 10 years, my math tutor said to me “do well enough to make you proud. It doesn’t matter if the world is disappointed in you, if you’re terrible, then you’re terrible, but at least you’ll know that this is your very best.” That statement changed my life. From that moment on, I pushed myself as hard as I could to be the best I could be.
I realized that year that I had lead most of my life allowing people’s opinions to control me. Somewhere down the line, I had allowed people to take my voice away. I’d change my opinion based on what the popular opinion was and unknowingly allowed them to crush my voice. The problem was, that didn’t make me any more popular or accepted. It only made me more invisible and voiceless than ever. Sometimes we allow crushing words and opinions of people to determine what our lives look like. Instead of fighting them, we yield to them and it shapes our personality, our relationships and our lives. The problem is, we’re built for more than that. We all have a unique voice that is meant to be heard, else we really wouldn’t be here on the planet. Our lives have a design and a purpose – we weren’t created for aimless living. So here’s what turned it around for me:
People pleasing is an aimless road. Making people happy and pleasing people are two very different things. Bringing happiness to people, giving them joy – that’s healthy and desirable. However, people pleasing wherein the desires or fear of disappointing people rule life decisions; that sucks us into a wormhole that’s difficult to come out of. It’s the start of giving up your voice, your desires and your opinions. The damage to your inner being is immeasurable. It hampers your ability to communicate, to relate and have any sense of control over your life. The moment we decide to live to make ourselves proud, that’s when we begin to experience freedom. We live our lives in a manner that makes us stand tall, in ways that makes us feel good about ourselves and confident. The confidence and manner that we then carry ourselves with, becomes more attractive to people and allows you to be seen and noticed.
Self condemnation is another crippling factor that can crush your voice. The moment we allow negativity and lies to penetrate, we find ourselves in a losing battle. Way too often we assume the mindset of ‘I’ll never’ and create an atmosphere of defeat and hopelessness. It stops us from fighting to be better, to improve and to progress. We then find that battle pointless and futile. We talk to ourselves more than we speak to other people. If we can train ourselves to speak life, positivism and destiny over ourselves, we win half the battle. Our words can equip or destroy – and we have complete control over that.
Lastly, fear of failing or under performing can either lead to excessive perfectionism or frustration which leads to giving up. Both of these are dark, unending tunnels resulting in dissatisfaction and discontent. The combat for this is setting small, achievable goals that lead up to your big goal. It’s also allowing yourself to make mistakes, learning from them and bouncing back up. We all fall flat when we learn to walk. We fall off bicycles and burn ourselves cooking. But bouncing back builds character, resilience and a sense of accomplishment. People’s reaction to your failure is not as important as yours.
We need to be people that celebrate ourselves. Now, I’m not talking about self worship - but rather be willing to accept compliments, pat ourselves on the back when we’ve done a good job and speak positively to ourselves. We build confidence in ourselves when we start to value ourselves and when we realize our worth. Our lives are priceless. How we live and how we develop our character will affect us, our children and their children. We owe it to ourselves and to our generations to come to be the best possible version of ourselves we can be. We ought to fight against mediocrity. We ought to fight for greatness, to break lies that society feeds us and to create an exemplary lifestyle. We are priceless.
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